tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59495809491605372772024-03-13T16:16:32.910-07:00For Elder Things, Anecdotes and General UpdatesThe blogspot blog of Author Aki GrishamAki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-15515451733428245272018-10-25T13:59:00.003-07:002018-10-25T13:59:54.011-07:00Ugh, updatesA new NaNo beings next month, the fourth and final book of my <i>Chained </i>series. As usual I'm sorry about the hiatus, but I mostly took the month off to play, rather than work.<br />
Excited about book 4 though, we're going back to Jack as the POV character and he's a treat to work with. Hopefully I'll hear something back from the publisher I submitted to soon.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-18889445139672712422018-10-01T10:04:00.000-07:002018-10-01T10:04:10.259-07:00Sorry About the hiatusSorry for the unexplained hiatus, my husband has been recovering and in taking care of him + a bad bout of writer's block I've been neglectful of work. However, I do have a couple of updates.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>With<i> Last Call </i>functionally finished I can move on to the last book of the <i>Chained</i> series. That should have a first draft by the end of November and I am very excited. </li>
<li>Starting a new project! It doesn't have a title yet but the outline should keep me busy for a while.</li>
<li>Continuing work on <i>Lichgate</i>! I think I've given it enough space that I can come back to it with fresh eyes and an open mind. </li>
<li>The same goes for the second half of <i>Silver Roses, </i>my fae urban-fantasy novel. </li>
</ul>
<div>
So, despite being a slothful bastard who doesn't remember to update their blog, things are moving, albeit at kind of a glacial pace. </div>
Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-34227986462844783762018-09-10T14:40:00.001-07:002018-09-10T14:40:35.639-07:00Last Call UpdateThe good news: The story is finished and it only took me a week. I'm mostly happy with the pieces and the pacing.<br />
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The Bad News: It's about 20k shorter than I want it to be so the editing phase is going to suck.<br />
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C'est La Vie.<br />
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So I'll poke at it until November when I start book 4 of the series and see how I can fix it. Still very proud of myself for finishing in a week.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-89373999725867096612018-09-07T14:03:00.001-07:002018-09-07T14:03:42.749-07:00Where I'm at on Last Call<i>Last Call</i>, the third book of <i>The Chained</i> is proving to be a troublesome beast. I'm writing a fine amount of words, sitting at 33,281 at the time of writing this which is not bad for a week. <i>Unfortunately</i> I don't think I'll get 60k out of it. I would honestly be pretty impressed if I got 50k out of it and that would involve back tracking and tacking extra scenes in, which is always a major pain in the ass.<br />
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The outline was fine! But things went much faster than I expected.<br />
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So yeah, I might have a novella instead of a novel, which is a little frustrating.<br />
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But I'm averaging 4k a day and that's pretty sweet.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-15602021756293870152018-09-03T14:03:00.002-07:002018-09-03T14:03:49.119-07:00Soldiering OnSo we're three days into work on <i>Last Call</i> and it's going actually pretty swimmingly. I'm having an issue with timing, being that the first couple chapters are way, way, <i>way</i> to short, but otherwise it's progressing well. I'm ahead of schedule with my word count which is always nice. I've skinned the main character once which is always fun.<br />
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All told, it's coming right along.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-4869105166208841822018-08-31T14:03:00.002-07:002018-08-31T14:03:54.653-07:00At risk of beating a dead horseMy first NaNo thing starts tomorrow so I'm spending today prepping by thinking about my opening paragraph and not writing. I'm terribly excited and went over the outline again to make sure I won't fall into any pitfalls like I did on Wednesday.<br />
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I'm still terribly embarrassed about that.<br />
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There's always a sense of trepidation that hits me before starting off a new project, that fear of "what if this time I don't finish, what if it's not good enough, what if I'm not qualified to tell this story" and it's pretty strong today.<br />
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But the work starts tomorrow and the fear will fade. Count on it.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-57314441172097112802018-08-29T10:57:00.000-07:002018-08-29T10:57:04.358-07:00Near Disasters and Fixing ThemSo I've been talking a good game about how well NaNo prep is going. I've got the outlines for both September's and November's projects done. I have said goodbye to my loved ones and moved into the study. I'm pretty well set for the future.<br />
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Expect that while double checking my outline today I realized that I had forgotten a whole chapter. Just, chapter 5 was not there. So I had to re-read the whole outline, re-work my pacing, and see what could fit thematically in that space.<br />
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Always check your outlines. Check your outlines compulsively.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-7821832853076996622018-08-27T13:51:00.000-07:002018-08-27T13:51:31.118-07:00Old Projects Revisited I'm going to be brief today, an early morning trip to the dentist has left me feeling nauseated and staring at the computer screen probably isn't helping.<br />
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As we continue our count down to September I've been poking at an old Southern Gothic of mine and realizing that it's not as garbage as I had remembered (this is why we put things done for a while) and that it's actually worth editing and trying to get published. So that's nominally had my attention. At least until the first, when I start Book Three of my series (distant applause).Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-62233477805950221672018-08-24T11:24:00.000-07:002018-08-24T11:24:54.068-07:00I wrote a bunch of Flash Fiction and it was hard. Flash Fiction, for those of you who aren't familiar, is a short bit of fiction around 1-2 thousand words. They're too short to be called short stories properly. However, they still require a beginning, middle and end. They've still got to have a setting and be gripping in someway. With the word limit, a lot of things are left vague but the story must still be clear.<br />
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In short, it's hard and I'm bad at it.<br />
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But that's what I've been doing. And what I've finished have actually come out alright.<br />
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Just goes to show you that with a little bit of application, and the knowledge that your P.A. will scold you if you cop out half way through because you're lazy and it's hard, you can do anything that you set your mind to.<br />
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In all seriousness though, Flash fiction is a great way to practice showing instead of telling in literature and pacing. I recommend adding it to your routine. The more you do it, the easier it is.<br />
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In Fanfiction, they're usually called drabbles or something. Remember kids, Fanfiction still counts as writing.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-67209959625082394242018-08-22T12:51:00.000-07:002018-08-22T12:51:27.832-07:00The importance of putting it downI'm going to talk about a problem I have, and that is that if I don't do at least a little bit of work I feel shitty and like the whole day was a waste. This has and will inevitably lead to burnout, and burnout is the enemy.<br />
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Like all skills, writing is something you have to practice, and ideally you should practice every day but that's... not actually practical. You need to give your brain time to recharge and, almost more importantly, when you finish a story you need to set it down for at <i>least</i> a couple days so you can read through it with fresh eyes and catch the plot holes and errors you missed.<br />
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Also writing should be <i>fun</i>. I mean it's work and some days it's going to feel like work, but you wouldn't be doing it if you didn't enjoy it. No one is forcing you to write but you, I hope.<br />
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The problem with something being <i>fun</i> and also productive is that you want to do it all the time and you beat yourself up when you can't. Reward yourself on days you're not writing, not a <i>lot</i>, but something small and tell yourself that it's because you've done so much work and you need to let your brain refresh. Don't be an Aki, staring brain dead at the same short story because the concept of time off is foreign to you you tiny disaster.<br />
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Be smarter than an AkiAki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-50320341421249895592018-08-20T12:44:00.001-07:002018-08-20T12:44:52.997-07:00The Rats In The Walls. So, as you can probably guess from the title, today I'm going to be talking about H.P Lovecraft's short story <i>The Rats In The Walls</i>. The first thing you have to understand is that until my beady little eyes fell upon <i>Ex Oblivione, </i>Rats was my favorite Lovecraft story and I still love it. When called upon to pick a name for a server or co-op game, Exham Priory is my default (with the occasional <i>Watership Down </i>reference for good measure).<br />
<br />
But Goddamn, I just re-read it and it gets harder and harder to love. I re-read <i>Rats</i> today because I'm trying to write a haunted house story and went to an old standby in a similar vein.<br />
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<ol>
<li><i>The Rats In The Walls</i> is not the <i>dryest</i> Lovecraft piece but his writing style remains very dry. We get paragraphs of mostly nothing, and all the horror is slam-dunked at the end. There's something to be said for build up, but maybe a little more build up wouldn't have killed anybody. </li>
<li>The. Racism. Look, I get it, he wrote at a different time and that's how words were used back then. But Jesus Christ, H.P. Lovecraft is the most racist and xenophobic author I've ever dealt with. In my memory it's just the name of the cat that's a problem (a name I will not be typing) but no, it interweaves with the rest of the piece. </li>
</ol>
<div>
<i>The Rats In The Walls</i> is a chilling story that means a lot to me. But some days I wish anyone else had written it. </div>
Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-13780607317180355822018-08-17T11:07:00.002-07:002018-08-17T11:28:18.707-07:00Gee Aki, Your Mom Lets You Write TWO NaNos?!?Not actually my mother, but after a conversation with my husband we've decided to lift the entirely reasonable restrictions on how many months I get to lock myself in the study and cackle while typing. So, the good news is that I will be hopefully writing the rest of <i>The Chained</i> series this year, with book 3 being written during September and book 4 being written during normal-people NaNo in November.<br />
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Personally? I'm stoked. This series is my <i>baby</i>. I've got the outlines all done, playlists made up, cute and horrific character scenes playing behind my eyes.<br />
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What does this mean you can expect from me here? I'll probably be pretty cagey about what I'm writing and leave any real details for my tumblr (<a href="http://akisfiction.tumblr.com/">akisfiction.tumblr.com</a>) which I update regularly but not on a real schedule. But you can still expect discussions of the themes I'm working with and problems as they arise.<br />
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It's two whole weeks away, but wish me luck!Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-5353854816050982482018-08-15T13:05:00.002-07:002018-08-15T13:05:59.990-07:00Some thoughts on LanguageSo, this isn't much of a spoiler but one of the characters in <i>The Chained</i> series is properly Anglo-Saxon, by which I mean she died in 1016 or something, I'll have to double check my notes but circa William the Conqueror. For plot reasons (waggles fingers mysteriously) she has a working knowledge of modern English with occasional problems regarding sentence structure and mixing up modern and middle English vocabularies.<br />
<br />
When I first tried to write her, I attempted to functionally teach myself old english and actually wrote out her dialogue. This proved tireless and unnecessary because the protagonist does not speak old english and likely neither does my reader base. I'm not Tolkien, I'm not trying to give anyone homework. So I took the old english out and just described her speaking rapidly in a strange language, this worked much better.<br />
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Fast forward to the end of the Series, where I have decided for plot reason (waggles fingers mysteriously) that she starts teaching Old English to the protagonist. Now I <i>have</i> to include the actual language and working definitions.<br />
<br />
Why am I like this?<br />
<br />
We just don't know.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-77575565589238791492018-08-13T11:46:00.002-07:002018-08-13T11:46:26.521-07:00The research rabbit holeFinding the right facts for a story is important. You want it grounded in enough reality to flourish. But you do sorta have to cherry pick your facts. Want a story about life beyond the solar system? You're <i>probably</i> going to want to ignore that we can't actually go faster than light. Want a story about the horrors of the deep? You're going to have to make stuff up. Making stuff up is, at the end of the day, the job of a writer.<br />
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But you should still research things so you have a good selection of facts to cherry pick from. For example, I have the wiki page on Pyjama Sharks open right now along with a list of coral species and some facts about them. I'm writing a short horror story that involves sharks and coral and before I narrowed it down to the pyjama shark had to look at other species (I picked pyjama sharks because they're pretty small, pretty aggressive and really fucking cute). But it's easy to see how you could get lost in the search for knowledge because it's <i>neat</i>. And once you find all these good facts, you're going to want to use a lot of them.<br />
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<br />
<ul>
<li>Let a lot of your sudden knowledge be backdrop to the story you're writing. YOU know how the shark goes vroom, but if it doesn't work with the story you have to not force it in. </li>
<li>A piece of advice I stole from an older writer who's name I can't remember was to mark where more research is needed with TK because it's easy to search TK in a manuscript and find the place immediately and by just marking it down you can keep writing what you can. <i>I</i> being lazier just tend to write things like FIGURE OUT HOW FAST THEY SWIM in all caps and keep going. </li>
<li>Limit yourself to three tabs of Wikipedia. Just do it. If you need more than that write for a bit and see if you <i>actually</i> need more than that. </li>
</ul>
<div>
Research is important, it is very important and you should do it, but when you're writing fiction it's generally best to figure out your balance of fact to fiction before hand. Have some things you ignore and some facts you hyper focus on. </div>
Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-62920176467999252172018-08-10T14:30:00.001-07:002018-08-10T14:30:22.445-07:00Proper Sleep and SuchSo I didn't sleep yesterday <i>at all</i> finally conking out after more than 24 hours last night around 10. This has put a damper on my work because it's hard to think through the cotton in my brain. However, I'm about half way done with that new project I mentioned on Wednesday, so I'll hopefully get more written over the weekend and have good news for you all soon.<br />
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<i>Today</i>, however, is mostly being spent screwing my head on properly because there's still some cotton behind my eyes.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-5461908513972978062018-08-08T12:44:00.003-07:002018-08-08T12:44:50.387-07:00New ProjectsKind of a short post today. My P.A and I came up with a new project that's eating most of my limited attention span. It did give me a good chance to think real hard about saliva though, and so I almost threw up.<br />
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That's always a good sign, isn't it?<br />
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I'm going with yes.<br />
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Anyway, I should get back to it, hopefully there'll be more details I can share soon.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-37233048129844695552018-08-06T09:41:00.001-07:002018-08-06T09:41:43.038-07:00Outlining Outlining And Furthermore, OutliningToday we are spending the day with the outlines of a couple of projects. When I was a younger, lazier Aki I didn't tend to do much in the way out outlines and tended to just let my projects grow in whatever direction they saw fit. <i>These days, </i>however, I like to think I'm a wiser Aki and have learned the merits of a good, but flexible outline.<br />
Nothing works for everything and there's a good chance that what works for me won't work for even most people, but this is my blog and I'm going to share my method for outlining.<br />
Start simple, have a vague idea of what you want to have happen and write that down.<br />
"But Aki," I hear you cry, "surely I don't need to write down the basic premise of the book I'm working on before I outline it"<br />
Yes, you do. You will get up to make tea and it will be gone forever. Write it down in three different places.<br />
Then decide how you want your work to be divided. With <i>Diary</i> I knew I wanted to tell and apocalypse story in three parts so I treated each section like its own novella. With most books, this is just going to be by chapter.<br />
Start with Chapter 1 and have an extra document for brainstorming, the brainstorming doc contains everything, your cool idea for the middle, the gripping hook that came to you in the shower, spare characters, everything. Your outline starts with chapter 1. Figure out the main action for chapter 1 and jot that down, leave yourself enough wiggle room to add things while you're actually writing it but make sure it's detailed enough that you have a clear map of where you're going. Then do chapter 2, building from what you've written in chapter 1. I like to start with five things per chapter, but again, mileage may vary.<br />
When you're done with your outline, keep it close, tinker with it, if you see places to add foreshadowing jot that down. Go in and change things as you see fit.<br />
And that's Aki's quick and dirty guide to outlining.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-33279698035320210272018-08-03T12:56:00.000-07:002018-08-03T12:56:07.545-07:00Resurfacing after a long dark sleepHey all, sorry the blog has been inactive for so long but I'm really a very boring person and was having trouble thinking of what to put up. Unfortunately for all of us, the left hand of God, my P.A. has informed me that I need to get back into the swing of updating this blog more often. So I'm going to, because I fear no force on Earth the way I fear them.<br />
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Things have been slow, but I've been working, plugging along at a number of projects that will eventually bear fruit. Hoping to have good news for you all in the near future.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-38912697693678318392016-05-11T11:03:00.000-07:002016-05-11T11:03:25.931-07:00Yep, Still Bad At UpdatingThe Booksigning went marvelously! The folks at Title Wave are phenomenal and I seriously can't recommend their store highly enough. It's cozy and close but even I didn't feel crowded. I've been invited back for Banned Book Week to do another reading and another signing.<br />
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Other than that things have been kinda slow. I've been working on my health but there will hopefully be some good news about <i>Nibelung</i> in the near future. So look for that!Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-51066269750658749212016-04-21T22:10:00.003-07:002016-04-21T22:10:16.785-07:00Book Signing: The Night BeforeSo, tomorrow is my first book signing as part of an Earth Day event here in town. I'll be at Title Wave Books with some other offers, signing copies of <i>Diary In The Dark</i> and lusting after other people's knowledge as is my wont.<br />
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Honestly, pretty excited. And also pretty pleased that it's with other people. The venue isn't <i>huge</i> but it gives me a chance to get my feet wet before I do anything like this on my own. So that's good.<br />
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We printed out some booklets with one of my flash fictions --<i>Feeding The Beast--</i> that I'm hoping people enjoy. I'll put it up here after the signing so it's available.<br />
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Tomorrow is going to be long, but tomorrow is going to be worth it.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-65662751096267890192016-04-19T01:09:00.000-07:002016-04-19T01:09:37.492-07:00Consignment! As Though I Were An Actual Adult!I'm bad at updating this blog! Oh well! A couple of terrible exciting news points concerning, as it says in the title consignments!<br />
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<i>Diary In The Dark</i> is available on shelves at select stores in Albuquerque, New Mexico! Currently you can find it at Bookworks in Los Ranchos (which, by the way is a treat? The whole store is packed with books and feels comfortable and close but not crowded despite the intense foot traffic? I fell a little bit in love with it while I was there) and as of tomorrow it will be available at Title Wave Books (Menaul and Wyoming, tucked back into a side street. Also delightful. Indie bookstores are some of the nicest places to just <i>be.) </i><br />
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In <i>other</i> possibly <i>more</i> <i>exciting</i> news, I will be having my first booksigning at Title Wave on <i>Friday, April 22nd</i>. It looks like it's going to be me and about seven other local authors so definitely a good place to hit up. You can see my shining, smiling face (and my newly dyed hair, it's purple and gold now), pick up some books and talk to some other New Mexico Authors.<br />
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Looks to be pretty damn rad.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-78660686051881281022016-03-07T23:49:00.000-08:002016-03-07T23:49:24.584-08:00I'm Getting MarriedNot really writing related, except that he inspires me to actually work and has always looked at this as a "real job".<br />
On Sunday I asked my boyfriend to marry me. We'd been talking about it for a while, but that didn't make my nerves any stronger. I stammered through the entire proposal at the museum in the witness of my sister, my dad, my best friend and a couple of dead dinos and he said yes.<br />
So, yes. Very exciting that.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-89146823324835401612016-02-16T13:04:00.001-08:002016-02-16T13:04:31.737-08:00ADHD and Writing. The question "what are you working on" is often a double-edged sword for me. In addition to the <i>lovely </i>Depression and Anxiety I'm usually dealing with, I have pretty nasty ADHD, so focusing can be tricky. Because ADHD isn't uncommon, particularly amongst the creative types, I thought I'd just formally state that it's <i>okay</i> to have multiple projects going and to work on them simultaneously. This might get tricky if you have deadlines, but when you <i>don't</i>, it's fine.<br />
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Somedays, the project you're working on is going to feel like an uphill fight more than usual. You will be staring at the page and you'll have no idea how words work but you'll have a million other ideas.<br />
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Start a new thing. Even if you'll never finish it. Take the twenty minutes or so and start your new story. Don't forget the first one, leave that tab open and go back to it every hour or so, see if you can make the words work, but don't stress it if you start something new.<br />
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<i>Right now</i>, my primary project is supposed to be book 2 of Nibelung so I can submit book 1 places. I've been working on <i>The Chained</i> instead because it's been easier and at this moment I can't make <i>The Chained</i> cooperate and so I'm editing <i>Idol-Chatter</i> and writing a blog post.<br />
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It's fine. I promise you, it's fine.Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-75256559272819500242016-02-12T13:22:00.002-08:002016-02-12T13:22:48.981-08:00Satisfaction: Free Flash Fiction<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Aki Grisham </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You’ll never forget the first time he walked you to your apartment. You’d only met that evening and you don’t know how you attracted his attention. But you had, and he had ignored the other party-goers to dance with you. He trapped you in his eyes and as the evening drew to a close you could think of nothing nicer than having him as an escort. You could smell the desert on his teak skin and it reminded you of </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">home. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He smiled when you reached your door, lifting your hand to his mouth and leaving grains of sand on the skin where he kissed it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When he let your hand go the warmth of his skin lingered. He said he’d call and you were delighted, if skeptical. Guys rarely bothered to call you back then. And </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">he</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> was attractive and brilliant, and smelled like heat and clean air and sandalwood. It was unthinkable that that sort of man would call you back. A man who towered over you by half a foot and bent near in half in a bow to kiss the back of your hand. The only guys who would have called you had more hands than an octopus and were only in it for a shot at your skirts. Guys who thought that because you were short and plain and had memorized the Star Trek opening you’d bend over backwards to be liked.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You refused to get your hopes up. It was sweet of him to walk you home. What more could you have reasonably expected?</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.7999999999999998; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But he did. He called --not by phone but by showing up at your apartment while you were at work. He left behind a lotus flower and a card asking if you were free for brunch the next weekend. You could smell sandalwood on the paper and you remembered the way the sand had scratched pleasantly against your hand during that brief kiss. You remembered the longing you had buried so deep for the desert you had grown up in. The scents back home were different -- cactus and tumbleweed instead of roast meat and spices. You weren’t sure how to contact him to say that you’d love to go to brunch. But you dressed in your best sundress that Sunday and you were surprised and giddy when the knock came and there he was. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You felt unimpressive and small beside him as he led you to the car. People -- total strangers, you assumed -- waved to him. He never waved back. He merely acknowledge them with a broad white smile. He might have been a musician or an actor. A politician. But he looked at you like you were everything in the world worth having. You don’t remember much of the conversation, you remember that you were worried when the waiter stumbled over himself and the way the crowds cleared for you both and how you thought, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">‘Like the red sea</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">’ for the first time since you were a child. He chattered excitedly about the latest advances in medicine and psychology and pushed your hair out of your eyes, tucking it behind one of your ears.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He asked to see you again when he walked you home. Hunger, but no desperation, in his dark eyes, and you did what you’ve never done before; you stood on your tiptoes and kissed him on the mouth. He tasted like clove and his hands fell to your natural waist to crush you close. You could feel the aeons in that kiss. Something scintillating and dark curled up in your brain and you wanted to run away, but you were transfixed by a pleasantly tingling sense of trepidation. When you pulled away you wanted to chide yourself for being like everyone else. Rushing into things. How many women had thrown themselves at this man? How many men had? Would he forget you now that you were like everyone else? Now that you were no longer special? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He kissed away your concerns and curled one hand up around the back of your neck. “If you let me,” he purred and his voice was sinister and chocolate-rich, “I will take everything you offer. I am a greedy sort of man.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You had him six times that night, and by the time you fell asleep against him, you were sore and almost certainly bruised but you felt soft and shiny and new. You were certain he’d be gone when you woke up. Certain that now he’d had you, he would leave. You could be this man’s conquest. He was yours, after all. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Your nightmares were legendary that night. Filled to the point of bursting with locusts and shadows that twisted and bit and tore. You were held to the sheets by choking black tendrils of woodsmoke, and you could taste blood and ash in your throat. You couldn’t even scream, lying there transfixed and not quite dreaming until he woke you up. His fingers traced patterns down your arms and you felt sand, soothing and hot against your skin. You buried your face against his chest and breathed in heat and sandalwood and sweat. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Are you alright?”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“J-just a dream,” you managed, and he kissed your forehead and apologized before pulling you tight against him. Your dreams were worse and when the serpent devoured you, you slipped into an unending, conscious blackness until you were startled awake by lips against your own and a voice saying he was going to use your shower.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You were dating within the week. Your nightmares were vivid and agonizing and you found that you no longer noticed little pains like paper cuts and burn marks because they were all inconsequential in comparison. He fretted over every incident as though they were his fault. He was insatiable -- hungry and curious and passionate. Almost exhausting, but when you needed a break he would chuckle and kiss your forehead. “I forget sometimes,” he apologized. “Take what time you need.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You looked on, half horrified as people watched and whispered about him in terrified awe. At night, when he slept soundly and fear of your own dreams kept you awake and frozen you could hear the screams. Around you the world seemed to break and crumble apart but he was just as vivacious as ever. Building and tinkering and explaining things as best he could, sitting you on his lap and whispering into your ear how this particular device worked.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You started noticing his little cruelties. He could silence people with a look, his dark eyes somehow darker and promising unspeakable horrors to the speaker. But those eyes were never directed at you. With you his eyes were always gentle, possessive and possessed in equal measure.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">People left his conferences changed. Their eyes were dark and they stared past each other when they spoke but always, always they spoke of your beloved with terror and reverence. They spoke of the darkness in his eyes and you laughed because his eyes were never anything but bright when they came to rest on you. They spoke of his cruelty, but he was never anything but kind to you, around you. His hands were gentle on your skin and he made you sing in ways you didn’t know you could. Every little touch left your blood humming and your heart buzzing in delight. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They assured you it was a lie. He was too great a man, if he was a man. He was using you and you were the better for the using. Doubt sowed itself in your stomach and turned food to dirt on your tongue. His brow furrowed when he finally asked you about it. How could you tell him you doubted him? How could you tell him what people said, the lies (and god you hoped they were lies) they hissed. You didn’t. You couldn’t. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He was your whole world. How could you have done anything but protect him from your fears?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Around you the city fell further and further apart. The followers --that was the only word you could think of for them, though it felt childish and cruel-- of your beloved grew more and more crazed. You heard about the murders and watched the riots from your window. But it never touched you. Happening so close and so separate from where you were curled up in his arms. He kissed your forehead to comfort and reassure you, but you could feel the curve of his smile on your skin. He laughed as you drifted off to sleep and kissed at the back of your neck. Your passions only grew in those final days. You made love like you were on ecstasy and he held you in his eyes and you were the only thing reflected in their vastness. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then, one day he pushed a ticket into your hands. “You have to leave,” he said, urgency breaking the normal steady pulse of his voice. Ripples in the wave of sheer personality that was your darling. “Go home.” He begged you, “Go home before I finish my works here and offer up this city.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You wanted to say that you didn’t understand. But you did. You always had. Ever since you had dreamed of that serpent you had known who and what he was. You had fought it. Denied it. But you had known.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Go home,” he urged again, “I love you, but my love will not save you from my nature.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What could you do? You obeyed and when you stepped off the plane in the city of your youth you breathed in cacti and tumbleweed and you ached for clove and cinnamon. For heat and spice and warm brown skin. Your feet felt leaden and your ears rang with his voice as though they could will it back into being. That city burned to the ground and you knew that he stood there laughing at the flames. His hunger, his desire, still unsatisfied. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Your nightmares eased and soothed and shifted to dreams of longing. In those dreams he kisses you tenderly and whispers secrets in dead languages against your skin. One morning you know you’ll wake to a lotus flower on your doorstep and you’ll see him again. And he’ll hold</span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.8; white-space: pre-wrap;"> you in his arms and he’ll take all you have to give and possibly, probably, all that you don’t. He is a greedy man. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But he is a king. Your king. And Kings are greedy. </span></div>
<br />Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5949580949160537277.post-67969130929374974862016-02-11T11:20:00.003-08:002016-02-11T11:20:41.044-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/jht1WVIPh3I/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/jht1WVIPh3I?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />
I did an interview with Pixelmite Studio about <i>Diary In The Dark. </i>Aki Grishamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14459068532414609106noreply@blogger.com0